Preparing for divorce is difficult at any time of year but even more so around the holidays. The holiday season brings about so many emotions as there is stress in finding the perfect gift, joy in visiting extended family, and anxiety when hosting the perfect holiday party. When experiencing emotions surrounding the holidays and then adding plans to divorce once the season is over can be quite emotionally overwhelming.JANUARY IS NAMED DIVORCE MONTH
Although the end of your marriage is personal, it seems that many have the same wish for their Christmas list and that is to file for divorce in January. Allowing the family to enjoy one last holiday as a parent seems the least you can do before moving forward. Ensuring the children enjoy Christmas without the added stress of divorce seems to be a motivating factor for waiting until the holidays are over.
PREPARING FOR DIVORCE IN ADVANCE IS KEY
Preparing for such a life altering event will require more thought provoking consideration than imagined. Taking the time to anticipate how the news will be shared with your spouse, children, extended family, friends and even co-workers can be stressful. Plan adequately in hopes of reducing stress that accompanies divorce. To better prepare, use the following suggestions listed here.THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF DIVORCE
Does your spouse know that you are more than just unhappy within the marriage? If not, how do you plan to share this news? The words that you choose to express your desire is so important and can help reduce negativity. In addition to the well thought out words, the time and place that you choose to share this news is also important.
Would a restaurant with other people be a well-suited place, the local park that has a serene atmosphere or would your home be a better choice? The location would need to be a safe location where you both would have freedom to share your thoughts and emotions.
Planning in advance to have your children an all-day or overnight get-away may be helpful. This will allow your spouse sufficient time to mentally and emotionally process the news without the role of parenting. Also, the children do not need to experience the tension between parents, so allowing time for processing and regaining composure may be beneficial for all family members.
BE COMPASSIONATE
Since you have made the decision to divorce, you have had personal time to contemplate and accept your decision. Emotionally, you have had time to consider the decision to divorce and the effects that it will bring personally and to your family. Your spouse may be aware that your marriage is less than perfect but have no idea that separation and divorce is anywhere on the radar. When your news is shared, be compassionate in the fact that you have moved on in advance of your spouse and often without warning. Each person grieves differently and such shocking news can be devastating. Be considerate no matter how much you may have grown apart.
CHILDREN AND DIVORCE
Have you planned how the children should be told? When you share the news with your spouse, you both may want to give your input as to how and when to share the news with the children. Often times, both parents sit down together and share how the family will be changing although the parental love for the kids will always be the same. What are your thoughts about custody and co-parenting? Telling the children will be one of the first co-parenting efforts that you will perform and it often sets the tone for your future co-parenting. Keeping the children’s best interest at heart during an emotionally difficult process should be the aim of both parents. A goal for self-care for all family members from this point forward should be implemented.There are many factors that must be considered when preparing for divorce such as advanced planning, the announcement of your decision, offering compassion and considering the needs of the children are essential for such a family altering event. The divorce process can be a long a stressful event so allow Divorce Tool Box to help during this process. Learn more about Divorce Tool Box and how it works so we can better help you.