Divorce affects all family members as the family structure is changing and life adjustments are required resulting in questions and concerns. When life brings about so ma ny changes at once, insecurity of one’s life and future can become overwhelming. Insecurity can be defined different meanings by different people. Some may define it as self-doubt in one’s ability as new roles resulting from divorce must be performed, others may define it as doubting how successful their financial future will be without the other spouse’s income. Insecurity can be intensified when your ex-spouse makes personal attacks and verbalizations. Constant reminders of marriage and now facing the changes resulting from divorce brings insecure feelings of how to adjust to the myriad of changes, effectively manage the old and new family responsibilities, managing divorce legal battles, and starting over again.
Starting over again may equate with seeking employment for the parent who had been a stay at home caregiver now needing a resume of more skills that he has to offer. It could further mean the need to search for self-identity - who he is apart from his ex-spouse, how to transition from the marital status to that as a single, multi-tasking work and single parenting, and learning to co-parent between homes.
Insecurity is one of those self-perpetuating emotions which may result in anxiety. When insecurity becomes the central focus of life, anxiety can become the forefront of one’s emotional well-being. Insecurity in divorce may be met with rejection or abandonment from your ex-spouse, family friends, and in-laws. The myriad of changes in one’s life may bring about insecurities but realizing that insecurity is normal during a major life transitions can bring about a sense of relief.
Three ways to tackle divorce insecurity:
- Find sources of support as you transition during and after divorce. Reading books and articles may be helpful to explore what experts recommend for handling this life challenge. Having conversations with others about their divorce journey and experiences may be helpful in realizing that you’re not alone in your thought process. While joining a support group to meet new people and finding healthy ways to manage insecurities through divorce may be helpful.
- Learning creative ways to increase your self-worth will be helpful. One way to increase self-esteem is to write positive affirmations about yourself and display them everywhere: in your car, kitchen, bedroom, work station, etc. List the positive qualities about yourself that are independent of anyone else and learn to build from these personal qualities by searching deep within for more. Accepting who you are independently of anyone else can take time but will help with self-identity and worth that is needed moving forward.
- Learn to face life minute by minute, and then day by day. Viewing life through the big picture of events can be too overwhelming, especially when faced with multiple challenges with limited answers. When insecurities begin to arise, learn to change your thoughts. It is normal to be concerned about your situation but learning the appropriate amount of time you are focusing on the situation/problem needs to be recognized. Learning to establish a time that you allow yourself time to focus on personal challenges maybe helpful in controlling your thought patterns. Maybe by allowing your insecure thoughts and problematic areas of divorce your attention an hour during the morning hours and again in the evening will limit these thoughts controlling your entire day. Learning to take control of your thoughts, you increase taking control of your insecurities.
When allowing insecurities to take over life, feelings of helplessness often arise. Using the tips above may not change your circumstances, but may help you control how much that you allow insecurities to control your life.
Divorce Tool Box understands that most changes bring about insecurities. Divorce is a life change for all family members that requires many resources to effectively manage the changes. Our online sessions help walk you through the divorce process and focus on personal challenges that may be faced. We offer tips to effectively manage the divorce process and insecurities associated. Visit our website today to see how we can assist you at www.divorcetoolbox.com.